by Wee Hamish

I can’t wait until we take back control. Those EU meddlers have been at it again recently, adding to the long list of things they are forcing us to do against our will.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that they’d abolished mobile phone roaming charges, they’ve only gone and announced that excessive charges for paying by debit or credit card will be scrapped. What’s that about? Don’t tax-dodging companies have enough to worry about without more consumer protection? All the plebs will do is spend that money on other things. At least, after Brexit, the UK will be able to scrap those rules so that companies can charge people whatever they like.

But that’s not all. We heard last week that cod will now be available as a sustainable food because stocks have increased to a viable level. That’s the EU’s fault as well. Against the wishes of the UK’s fishing industry, they imposed rules preventing stocks being exhausted. The sooner we can get back to depleting our fish stocks, the better. They are British fish, after all, so we can’t have Johnny Foreigner telling us what we can and can’t do with them. Who cares if stocks of cod run out? Haddock tastes a lot better anyway.

And if you are a farmer, you must be looking forward to Brexit, when the EU’s CAP payments will stop. Well done for voting Tory, for voting Leave and for voting NO. You’ll get exactly what we need- control of our own agricultural industry where farmers will be required to prove to Westminster that they deserve some subsidy payments to keep producing food. “You’ll need to earn any payments," said Michael Gove. That’s the stuff! Take back control. Then give it to Donald Trump so that he can send us chlorinated chicken and GM food while US corporations take over the NHS, and the EU stops accepting all UK food because we’ve lowered our standards to match the USA.

What really hacks me off is that some companies are jumping the gun. Instead of waiting for the glorious day when we reclaim our sovereignty, a whole load of banks are already planning to leave. Don’t they understand what Brexit means? And what about Ryanair? They’re planning to stop flights to and from the UK? Who cares? We don’t need their cheap flights anyway, because we won’t be able to afford to go abroad on holiday after Brexit.

But at least we’ll have taken back control.